so uh…i haven’t gotten any letters in weeks! it’s fine though! I didn’t expect a lot anyways haha. but i’m still here just so you know. :)
-john
DEAR STUPID ANNOYING HUMAN LUMP.
ALSO KNOWN AS EGBERT.YOUR HUMAN WEBSITES ARE, ALTHOUGH INFINITLY LESS ADVANCED AND INTELLIGENT THAN ANYTHING OUR RACE WOULD DEEM USEFUL, AMUSING. AND BY AMUSING I MEAN PAINFULLY TRIVIAL AND LAUGHABLY STUPID. JUST LIKE WHAT PASSES FOR CINEMA ON YOUR SHITHOLE PLANET.
THE ONLY THING REMOTELY EXCITING ABOUT GETTING LETTERS IS THAT ONCE I ANSWER THEM WITH MY SUPERIOUR WISDOM, THEY DISAPPEAR. I WISH YOU WOULD DO THE SAME.
YOUR GOD.
karkat,
haha whatever you say! you can keep pretending that you’re not enjoying yourself, answering the questions of ‘human lowlifes’ like the ‘superior being’ you are.
besides, i know you would at least miss me a little bit if i disappeared. :)
your friend,
john
Anonymous asked: John! Can you tell your curious readers some of your favorite things? Animals, colors, books, movies, seasons, foods, etc?
dear anon,
sure! i like lots of different animals, its kind of hard to just choose one! i definitely like salamanders, how can i not when i have my lovely casey? i like the color blue but i think that’s a bit obvious hehe.
pranking is a given! i am the heir of pranks! hehehehe
books? well i read many things, prank books, computer code books, but if you’re talking about a specific genre, i like a little bit of everything.
movies… it would take so long to type down the list i have. but to make it short, basically anything with nic cage in it. ghost busters for sure! many on my list are what a lot would call crap movies but they don’t understand the true gems that they are! one day they’ll see what they’ve been missing…
seasons, as in the weather? well all the seasons are nice because you can do something different in each. spring is just right for running around outside (and pranking). summer you can go to the pool almost everyday (and pranking). autumn you can make piles of leaves and jump in them (pranking)! winter you can build snowmen (and prank), hehehehe
i think i like all the seasons equally.
food. strangely enough i enjoy cakes and other sweets. what kid doesn’t like sweets?
i just don’t enjoy them being shoved down my throat every day. a bit ironic i guess, hehe dave would be so proud!
wow this letter got long! maybe i should end it here for now.
sincerely,
john
dear dominic,
uh…i don’t feel really comfortable talking about this. but i suppose i should already expect these kinds of questions huh? well, i wear normal stuff i guess, so boxers and stuff.
as for the photo, i swear it was dave’s idea! he totally dared me too! oh god i bet that photo is circulating the internet too huh? um, i don’t think you should get your hopes up about any more pictures like that being posted anytime soon, like ever again. hopefully..
haha, this is getting weird to write i think i’m gonna stop here before i start embarrassing myself even more.
sincerely,
john
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
mr.tumblrbot,
oh god i don’t know… i can’t pick more than one can i? maybe my computer, because i can talk to all of my friends. but…my con air poster… ah i can’t decide!!! how does a bot make such hard questions anyway?
-john